DISTORTION, NARCISSISM, AND CHEESE
BFA Thesis, Video (2.5 hours)
Projected through a fish bowl with live fish (Pupil)
Spark Contemporary Art Space / Syracuse, NY 2014
While curating this archive of my past through means of "home video" hi8 video tape recordings, I found three consistent themes: DISTORTION, NARCISSISM & CHEESE
DISTORTION became evident as the videos of my past began to alter my perception of the present.
The more footage I examined, the more my organic memories became overrode by the visuals and audio that my father or my past self had previously captured on tape. Water is used in this setting to distort the image for the audience, just as these same images distorted my memories of the self. The fish (Pupil) is used to reference a more natural distortion- the flawed nature of human recall/cognizance that is evident with the re-telling of any given tale.
"A fish tale is any story that improves each time that it's told.
The classic fish tale involves a fishing trip, perhaps even a first fishing trip.
Every time the tale is told, the fish gets bigger and the catch gets more difficult,
and the story gets more exciting and more boastful.
The interesting thing about fish tales is that if you take a picture of the fish
on the day that it happened and the tale becomes a fish tale,
if you come back in 20 years and show the person the picture of the fish,
they will honestly believe that there's some sort of trick because that fish is far too small"
- Petticoat Despot
NARCISSISM, or the seeming effect of such a trait, became obvious as I witnessed each child in our family grow in reaction to the camera lens.
The development of what learning a video camera was, witnessing the first time each child learned to perform for the camera, the fascination of the mirror-like instant feedback- It all led up to the want/need to be involved in video from a young age. It is defining this particular longing towards video that becomes a constant struggle, as one can argue it as either exploratory or narcissistic in nature. The mirrors are used in the space to acknowledge this question (one reflects the clear image, while the other reflects the distorted), as well as to reference the reflective nature of the medium.
While examining over 50 hours of footage, I found a year in my early childhood development in which "CHEESE" became the basis of my vocabulary.
This repetitive phrasing audibly explicates the learned behavior of performing for the camera. However, this cute and innocent fascination began to fade as I grew older and replaced the word "cheese" with the phrase "look at me". This uncensored type of self-interest fades by the end of the video compilation, as the negative connotation of narcissism is learned, through mockery and sarcasm. In this fashion, the once audible "cheese" ceases to exist.